didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
