and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
