her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
