As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
