R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
