You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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