I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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