Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Screwed.edu
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
