Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
