my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
