But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
