winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize