He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
