I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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