the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
