i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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