It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Randomize