You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
