My first STD was from a foam party
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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