I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
