I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize