He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
