I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
