you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
