How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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