I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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