My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
