I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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