I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk is not a location!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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