thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
