I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
