literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
