Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
