dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
