im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
