Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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