I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
