Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
