me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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