Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
