I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
