Plan B is the new Plan A
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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