Nicole vs. Life
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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