I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
