dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
