its not stalking. its research.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
