U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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