I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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