don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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