Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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