At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
