Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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