I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
