Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
