Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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