If i come over, it means nothing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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