Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something