I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
