Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
