Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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