am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
