I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
