Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
