so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
