YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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