i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
where are my eyebrows?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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