When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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