Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
