I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
