I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
