somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
