i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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