I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
