At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
