he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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