So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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